When the Day is Done
When the day is done I make my rounds through the dark house. I check the locks on all the doors (five times). I adjust the thermostat. I pick up toys (mostly I just step on them and try not to cuss). I peek in on the kids. I let the dog out one final time. Then I crawl into bed and begin the process of revisiting the past 12 hours in my mind.
I’d expect to feel relief. It’s time for some much needed rest. But there are evenings when that relief won’t come. On those evenings I am left with a feeling of guilt. A feeling of being unsettled. I feel the weight of every little thing I’ve left undone and every little thing I’ve done wrong.
It’s intense, this feeling of self doubt and remorse.
Do you have those days? Tell me I’m not alone here.
I wish I’d mopped the floors. Don’t some mothers do this daily? I am not one of those mothers. There is crusty apple sauce on my wood floor and a mystery spot on the tile in the laundry room. I can’t get it up. What is that?
I snapped at my son today. I was so tired of asking him to do the same thing over and over again. Should I wake him up and apologize? I want to crawl in his bed and hold him.
I should have put away the folded laundry. Instead I piled it high on my husband’s dresser. He probably hates it. At least he has the good sense not to tell me so.
I didn’t go to the grocery store. We’ve been out of milk for 2 days now. We’re on the last apple and there’s an overly soft pear in the refrigerator’s fruit drawer.
I wasn’t kind to my [husband/mother/person who was rude to my son at Whole Foods]. I regret it. I don’t ever want to be the low point in someone’s day.
I shouldn’t have had that sweet tea at lunch. I should have ordered a salad instead of that burger.
I wish I’d checked in on my friend. I haven’t spoken to her in a few days. A better friend would have texted her just to say hi.
These are the thoughts that weigh on me when I close my eyes.
On those occasions I struggle to recognize the things I did right.
The meals I prepared.
The kitchen counters I wiped.
The diapers I changed.
The clothes I washed.
The tickles I gave.
The stories I read.
I am not a perfect wife, daughter, sister, or friend. I am a damn good mother but I will never exhibit perfection there either.
I try hard. Yet some nights the trying isn’t enough.
So I lay there wallowing in my worry and guilt. It’s only later that I can pinpoint where I truly went wrong. I didn’t share my day with the Lord.
For the past year I have started the first few hours of my day in His Word. I’ve done this off and on for 15 years but it wasn’t a daily exercise. I cannot begin to articulate the difference that doing this makes in my life. This is my best effort to explain it to you.
I am happier when I begin my day in His Word. I am calmer. I am more confident. I feel assured of His promises. I feel secure in His plan for me.
When I don’t dedicate this time to Him my entire day is off track. I talk to Him less. I am more negative. I worry. Oh how I worry. About money. About my husband. About what people think of me. I feel frustrated and less balanced. I feel doubtful about my family’s future. Everything just feels off.
I want rest. I want peace of mind. But on those evenings I struggle to find it.
Matthew 11:28-30 is a piece of scripture I turn to often. It hangs on a sticky note on my bathroom mirror, the sides crinkled in and discolored from being regularly splashed with water. I’ll go weeks without noticing that little paper because it’s just become part of my landscape. And then one morning I’ll need that reminder of where my comfort is and I’ll see it.
Matthew 11:28 Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
He will give us rest but we have to do something. He says “come unto Me”. We have to seek Him. We have to take action. We have to come to Him.
Matthew 11:29 Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Again we are told to take action to find that rest.
He says “take My yoke upon you”. What does this mean? A yoke (usually for oxen) is much like a horse collar on a harness. It’s fit to the curve of the animal’s neck so that you can easily guide the animal with tugs. God is saying here that we should wear His yoke and let Him guide us.
He says “learn of Me”. He has given us this beautiful letter to guide us in this life and prepare us for the next.
We are expected to get to know Him.
When Jesus is asked questions he replies (over and over again) with “have you not read?” before He answers (Matthew 12:3, Matthew 12:5, Matthew 19:4, Matthew 21:16, Matthew 21:42, Matthew 22:31, Mark 2:25, Mark 12:10, Mark 12:26, Luke 6:3). How could He make it more clear that we are expected to know His Word?
It’s through learning of Him that we begin to allow Him to guide us. When we’re feeling tired, beaten down, and wanting answers we have only to pause, talk to Him, and study His Word. He will give us the wisdom to get through.
Matthew 11:30 For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.
And it is. His burden is light and He is Light.
So when the day is done and you’re lying in bed recounting every misstep, remind yourself that God is your Father. He is your Comforter. He is your Savior. There is nothing in this world that can bring us the peace of mind He offers and He tells us exactly how we are to obtain it.
When I walk with Him I do better and I am better. I will still not be perfect but I will feel the security that only His love provides. The little things that bring me self doubt when the day is done do not have power over me.
Come to Him. Take on His yoke. Learn of Him. I promise you’ll find that peace of mind is not so elusive after all.
18 Comments on “When the Day is Done”
I could completely relate to everything you wrote!! What a beautifully written reminder!! X
Thank you, Amy!
This is a great post! Do you have a devotional book or app that you recommend?
I don’t. I’ve tried some before but always end up quitting. Ha! I just study the Bible. That’s it! 🙂
Any time I start to get depressed, get frustrated with my marriage, become guilty, and basically worry about everything that is me “not being enough,” I look back on more than 12 hours amd notice the last two weeks have become less time in His Truth and more time to “myself” if that makes sense. I see that it is a slow pattern that I let myself flow into. When I start living by my emotions I start feeling less peaceful and more selfish. So yes, sister. I can totally relate. Even if it’s just 15 min or so, I still need that time with Him. I have even started reading scriptures with Asher during breakfast (from a book called “Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word” or “Power of a Praying Parent–both are AWESOME!!) and breakfast time becomes a God-filled time too! Thanks for sharing your heart, momma. 🙂
I completely hear you. I feel the exact same. When I’m focusing on “me” and what I want and what feels right to me I just end up lost and dissatisfied. I love what you’re doing with Asher. That’s wonderful!
This is incredibly moving and inspiring. Amazing job on this post!!!
Thank you so much, Kristen! So glad you enjoyed it.
Matthew 11:28-30 is going up in my Prayer Room. How did I miss that one?! What a great post!
Here’s another scripture that helps me everyday : (I’ve already translated it using the manuscripts )
Be anxious for nothing; but in everything, by writing and speaking prayER fully and with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the Peace of God, which surpasses all understanding and reasoning shall guard your heart and your mind (which is the seat of your physical body and soul ) by Christ Jesus (God’s anointed plan,of salvation. ) Finally by brethren, think on whatsoever things that are honorable, true, righteous and in keeping with God’s commands. Think on whatsoever things that are pure from carnality, chaste and pure from fault. Whatsoever things that are spoken in a kindly spirit, with good will toward others. And if there be any things virtuous and praiseful, think on these things. Practice this and the God of Peace shall be with you.
It’s the 2nd half of this scripture that has helped me. When you surround yourself with good, it’s easier to stay in a good frame of mind. It’s amazing how many times I find myself surrounded by TV and radio that is not any of those listed above!
Oh yes, I completely relate to this. It’s so much easier for me to focus on my perceived flaws or shortcomings, rather than the things I have accomplished, the things I should be proud of. Thanks for the good reminder!
Thanks for this, I have been having some rough weeks. maybe I need to do this as well.
<3 <3 <3 <3
Beautifully written. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Wow. I’m right there with you momma! After I had my daughter, I REALLYYYY struggled through PPD. The ONLY thing that got me through the days were my daily quiet time in the Word. And He was so faithful to pour out his love and manna on me. Every morning his mercy was new for my struggle. Those quiet moments. Those promises, is what made me not want to die. He is so faithful Even in our small struggles, he still cares. Thank you so much for sharing. I love finding other women bloggers on the journey to share their stories of Gods redemption. Keep up the good work!
Oh I love so much that you came through that dark time and that you relied on Him. That is WONDERFUL.
So beautiful and so true. Thanks for this reminder x
Oh how I needed to hear this. Thank you for sharing. X
I have a lot of days like this too! And yes, I do sooo much better when I start my day with HIM! Thank you for this reminder, friend!