What’s the hardest part of being a mom of two? Great question. Thanks for asking. Is it the constant refereeing of sibling disputes? The never ending snack and juice making? The mom guilt that comes when one child demands more attention than the other and you’re wondering if the other feels perpetually slighted? Nope. (But that last one was a good one.) It’s the laundry. I do laundry every single day. Wasn’t there a time when people had a “laundry day”? As in just one day a week? That. Blows. My. Mind. Let’s bring that back pretty please.

Now in all honesty laundry is not my least favorite chore. Oh no. That distinction is reserved for the dishes. Or drying my hair. Or changing any diaper after my daughter has demolished an entire pint of blueberries.

Nonetheless I wouldn’t mind having a day or two without a giant pile of smelly gym clothes and used underwear eyeballing me. Leave me alone, gym clothes. I don’t like you.

So with that in mind I’ve created this super helpful list of acceptable reasons to not do the laundry.

  1. You saw a spider in it.
  2. You had a dream that there was a spider in it.
  3. The kids are napping and this is your only chance to eat a(n entire) bag of chips without sharing.
  4. If it’s washed then you’d have to fold it. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
  5. You’re very worried that the washing machine will suck up more socks. Better to wait and wash clothes when they’ve made suitable advancements in washing machine technology.
  6. It’s Friday.
  7. It’s almost Friday.
  8. In a few days it will be Friday.
  9. Your child is potty training. All. The. Underwear.
  10. What if you shrink something?
  11. Your husband complained about the wrinkles in his shirt so you’ve gone on strike. (I do this a lot.)
  12. If you smush down the pile there’s still a teeny tiny bit of space at the top of the hamper for more. At least one Princess Sofia shirt. It’s probably wise to wait for that dirty shirt.
  13. It’s a beautiful day outside.
  14. It’s raining.
  15. Your family has too many clothes anyway. Maybe now is a good time to explore a minimalist lifestyle.
  16. Fixer Upper is on television.
  17. You’re wearing your favorite t-shirt and don’t want to risk splashing bleach on it.
  18. Your husband insists on leaving his socks inside out and to right them you would first need to reach inside that sweaty cotton. No. Just no.
  19. Conserving water seems like the right thing to do today.
  20. The dirty laundry is upstairs but the laundry room is downstairs.
  21. You are tired.
  22. You are not tired.
  23. You have to pee.
  24. You just peed.
  25. You don’t feel like it.

You’re welcome. Now kick back on the couch and let Joanna Gaines inspire you to cover your home in shiplap. That laundry will still be there tomorrow. Unless tomorrow is Friday. Then it’s going to have to wait. Again.

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